I have written, and deleted, a post on division of labour: specifically in terms of housekeeping/childcare within families where both parents work. Why did I delete it? Well, it came across like a pity party for one. 

To give you a bit of background: I work full time in an emotionally draining environment, sometimes I have to bring work home but it’s not the norm; my husband works full time (and then some), in a job which not only requires him to work at home in the evening but calls for frequent trips to London; we have two children who attend primary school as well as breakfast and after school clubs. In our family I am the sole driver so I take the children to breakfast club in the morning, pick them up from aftercare in the evening (also due to the fact that I finish work considerably earlier than my husband) and ferry them around to the various clubs, lessons and parties that they attend. I also do the majority of the homework, housework (though by no means all of it) and shopping. 

A recent Twitter comment got me thinking: have we fallen into the trap of socialised gender roles? I’m not sure that this is a question I can answer.

Instead I pose another question—is it possible to find balance? Were my husband to play a greater role in homemaking, his share of the load would be far greater than mine. He doesn’t work longer hours because he is a man; he works longer hours because that is what his job demands. I don’t cook the dinner because it’s my wifely responsibility: I do it because I’m home in time to do it. Were we to share the homemaking evenly, would I be tucked up in bed while he’s still at the washing-up until the wee small hours?

It would seem that gender has little to do with it, and yet it still feels like the work/life balance is unequal. The children are not my responsibility; they are our responsibility. His job commands so much of his time that I am scared he is missing important events and experiences in our children’s lives. Thinking back to my own childhood, this was an accepted part of family life. The man was the breadwinner and often missed school and extra curricular events due to work commitments. This isn’t helped in our case by the fact that the vast majority of school events take place during normal working hours, rather than in the evening when we could both attend.

Have things really changed so little, or are my perceptions skewed by our respective choice of career (and a school which seems to assume parents are out of work)?

Scotland is having a break from the rain so we’re making the most of it. I’m exhausted, my poor little celtic body isn’t used to this heat. Still, we’ve been slapping on the factor 30 and heading to the outdoor swimming pool and the local park as much as possible. 

Brodie and I had a girlie day yesterday; a trip to the cinema to see Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue in the morning followed by an afternoon in the park. I really like our local park; in addition to the play park, hidden garden and animals there is a mini train which runs on weekends. We pottered around, and before I knew it, over 2 hours had passed.

Today was officially the first day of the holidays. I’m knackered. The kids had a sports class at the gym this morning while I went for a run. Then we headed into the outdoor pool for an hour before lunch and an afternoon at the park with friends. Then it was back to the gym for their basketball class. I hope they sleep well tonight.

This week I have been menu planning in an attempt to cut down on the shopping bill and wasted food. I’ve planned out lunch and dinner for the week and written a shopping list so that I only buy what is needed. Tonight was the rest of the home made burgers that I made and froze last week. I’ve relied heavily on Good Food magazine to try and introduce a few new ingredients into our diets. In particular, I’m looking forward to Thursday night’s lamb and rosemary skewers. We don’t eat a lot of meat and I never cook with lamb so it’ll be interesting to see how this meal is received. The skewers are served with aubergine; wonder how I’ll get that particular vegetable past the kids?

I’m on holiday. The children don’t finish school/nursery until Friday. Yes, that’s right; I have a whole week to myself. 

However, I am apparently incapable of sitting on my bottom and doing nothing. I have a certain PhD application to be getting on with but I haven’t even got that far yet. Yesterday flew past in a blur of gyming it (my legs hurt today) and doing the food shopping. What was different was the evening. Usually it’s a mad rush on a Monday to feed the kids before taking them to the gym for classes while I work out. When we get home at 7 there’s not even time for a story before bed. Last night I was able to relax with a coffee while they had fun playing Basketball, before coming home for a light supper which I had already prepared and a couple of chapters of James and the Giant Peach. They even went to bed without a fight, which is virtually unheard of. Tonight they have Badminton. I went for a swim this morning so once again I’ll be able to relax for an hour in the cafe. I’ve spent the day in the kitchen making flapjacks (for the first time), Annabel Karmel’s Hidden Vegetable Pasta Sauce (frozen for future use), burgers (some for tonight’s dinner and some frozen) and a Lemon Syrup Loaf Cake for hubby’s birthday tomorrow. I may have mentioned that I love my job but it often leaves me feeling like I’m not the mother I want to be. Right now I feel like I can give them my all. This is why I work so hard during the year; so that I can enjoy this time with them. This week will be ace because I’m doing things for myself, like getting my hair done tomorrow, but I’m really looking forward to the kids breaking up on Friday so that I can share all of this with them.

I hear a lot of people criticise the teaching profession; saying we work short hours and have too many holidays. I often wonder if they are right. Even though I work full time, I am still free to take my children to various lessons and classes after school. How many working parents can actually do that? I also don’t have to worry about childcare during the holidays because I am the childcare. It’s one of the reasons I love my job; I can work full time and not feel guilty about the lack of quality time I spend with my children. However, I am suffering for this. I feel like an empty shell; it’s all work, kids, work, kids. There isn’t enough time and I do find myself working evenings, weekends and holidays already. Last night I fell asleep at 7.30pm and woke up at 9am this morning. To say I’m exhausted would be an understatement. Despite this I need to rediscover myself and after a lot of soul searching, the PhD application is going ahead. This past week has been spent researching, writing and sorting some things out. I still haven’t completed my application but I have a very long to-do list. Something that excited me more than it probably should have done was looking through my university notes and books and realising that I remember far more than I thought. I even have books adorning my increasingly cluttered desk now.

The other highlight of the week has been a return to baking. A friend’s birthday midweek resulted in a birthday cake created from my normal chocolate cupcake recipe. There may have been fights in the staff room over the last slice of cake. Friday night has become Fajita Friday in our house because by the end of the week I’m often craving home cooked food and fajitas are about all I have the energy to create. I even had the foresight to prepare tonight’s dinner of slow cooked chilli last night. I have saved the best for last because this morning Brodie and I made banana bread. Brodie loves the stuff, as they have it for snack at nursery a lot, but I had never made it before. Mashing up bananas was the perfect bakery task for a 4 year old with too much energy. We used a recipe from the Hummingbird Bakery cookbook (which I’ve noted down below) and it was amazing. You could add nuts or chocolate to the bread but I liked the simplicity of it. We’ve already eaten half the loaf.

Banana Loaf

Makes 8-10 slices

Ingredients
270g soft light brown sugar
2 eggs
200g peeled bananas, mashed
280g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
140g unsalted butter, melted

A 23 x 13-cm loaf tin, greased and dusted with flour

Preheat the oven to 170oC/325oF/Gas 3.

Put the sugar and eggs in a freestanding electric mixer with a paddle attachment and beat until well incorporated. Beat in the mashed bananas.

Add the flour, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda, cinnamon and ginger to the sugar mixture. Mix it thoroughly until all the dry ingredients have been incorporated into the egg mixture. Pour in the melted butter and beat until all the ingredients are well mixed.

Pour the mixture into the prepared loaf tin and smooth over with a palette knife. Bake in the preheated oven for about 1 hour, or until firm to the touch and a skewer inserted in the centre comes out clean. Leave the cake to cool slightly in the tin before turning out onto a wire cooling rack to cool completely.

Despite assurances and promises I have continued to neglect my blog. I wondered if this was because nothing of note was happening in my life of late but actually it’s because the majority of things that I want to write about, I can’t. I am generally preoccupied with work related things; things which I either can’t or wont talk about in a public space. Instead I am taking a leaf out of Emma’s book. Every week she updates with a summary of her week (you should all go and read it because she is an inspiration).  I warn you, this week is pretty sparse in terms of news.

* I don’t seem to have the energy to focus on reading a book at the moment but I have reignited my interest in what was once alternative culture. I’m also failing miserably at curbing my Starbuck’s obsession. 

* Brodie graduated from nursery this week. She looked so small among the 30 or so leavers in her “class”. I nearly shed a tear because this marks the end of my kids’ time at nursery. Devin started there when he was 2 and Brodie started when she was 13 weeks. Having a chat with the staff has been part of my life for years and I’m really going to miss them. Luckily we still have time to get used to the idea as Brodie doesn’t finish up until August.

* I’ve been back in the kitchen - with near disastrous results. Last week’s lemon and blueberry tray bake looked and tasted amazing but wasn’t cooked all the way through (boo). Tonight I made lasagne using a ragu done overnight in the slow cooker. It was edible but the recipe definitely needs tweaking. The kids didn’t really like it which I think was down to the veg in the ragu and my excessive use of cheese. I was, however, impressed with my first attempt at béchamel sauce which was very tasty.

There are mornings when you wake up, bleary eyed, after a night with friends and find all sorts of photos on your phone. I guess it could be worse, although I am struggling to work out how I was lying when I took the above photo.

Saturday night: I attended a penthouse party to celebrate the fabulous Eileen turning 30. I presented her with a gift of La Creuset heart shaped ramekins (surely this is what every 30 year old wants?). I drank rather a lot of long vodkas and then I left early. I was woken up the next morning, mercifully hangover free, with a shout of “Mum, Brodie’s drawing on the walls with lipstick”. By Monday, I was still exhausted. When did I get too old for this?

I may have neglected to mention that it was my 5th wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Hubby outdid himself and got me an iPhone. At first I was in awe of the camera which allowed me to take mean and moody photos of myself without having to pose in the bathroom mirror.

However, this evening I discovered something even better; something which appeals to the list-maker buried deep inside of me. I declare that Things is the most amazing app in the world ever. I’m having such fun jotting down all the mundane chores that need to be completed over the Easter break (whether I can tear myself away from the app to get started on these chores is another thing). 

So, yes, I am on holiday. I will be reading, gyming, getting tattooed, finishing my Ph.D proposal, visiting the dentist, drinking coffee, taking Devin to Edinburgh for the first time, seeing friends, taking children on playdates and hopefully getting that much needed extra sleep I’ve been craving of late. Perhaps this means I’ll have something of interest to blog about in the not so distant future.

I know I have been neglecting you of late. I offer no excuses; between mid October and the start of January is always a difficult time. Work tends to be busy and the days are short and dark so I tend to get little else done. The kids have been making use of their gym membership and are at classes 3 or 4 times a week. They recently started Basketball and Devin has taken up Trampolining in addition to Tennis and re-starting his swimming lessons. Brodie will start swimming lessons and hopefully tennis as well after Christmas. I sometimes wonder if it is too much but they seem to be fine. Both my children posses seemingly endless amounts of energy and if we don’t put it to good use they like nothing more than trashing the living room. I, on the other hand, am spending a lot of time drinking coffee in the clubroom at the gym rather than working out. Must rectify that soon. I feel a New Year’s Resolution coming on.

I have been crafting but it’s all top secret Christmas stuff. Baking has gone out of the window but I have been using my slow cooker a lot. It’s my favourite piece of kitchen equipment when it comes to this time of year. So far we’ve had chilli, chicken and chorizo stew (recipe courtesy of my lovely friend Fiona), beef stew, goulash and lamb casserole. This week I’m going to try making a curry to see how that works. 

And so I must return to the real world. Over the next three or four weeks it will be a whirl of Christmas parties, Christmas concerts, plays and pantos, Birthday parties (Brodie and 3 of her friends have birthdays which fall mid-Dec to start Jan), sporting events and shopping. At the end of it all we will be rewarded by a visit from my mother who is staying for 5 days over Christmas (yeay).  

…has come and gone. It’s back to work for me on Monday. In some ways I’m sad because I’ve had a really nice, lazy week. Devin and I have played chess; finished ready Charlie and the Chocolate factory; gutted the living room; and been to the gym a few times. However, I can’t wait to get back to work and get stuck into the texts my classes will be studying in the run up to Christmas. We’ll be focusing on Divided City by Theresa Breslin; a novel which looks at the sectarian divide in Glasgow. I think it’s a fantastic read and I’m hoping my pupils will get something out of it. We’ll also be starting up our Forest School programme again which means I get to spend one day a week working in the great outdoors. 

One thing I didn’t manage to do this week was perfect my empire biscuits. Instead I immersed myself in Olive and Good Food magazines looking for interesting things to cook. Highlights this week were (excuse the dodgy photos, small people played with the settings on my camera and I didn’t even notice):

Moroccan chicken with lemon couscous. This was so easy to make because it just involved cooking chicken in spices and tomato sauce. I loved it but Brodie wasn’t sure about the couscous; I think it may have been too lemony for her.

Mustard toad in the hole The kids loved this but hubby and I weren’t too keen. I think the problem was my batter. Hubby thought it looked too eggy but I think there was too much batter for the dish. It ended up being slightly too spongy in the middle, although the crispy bits round the edges were fab.

Caramel apple loaf cake (seen here surrounded by a batch of Nigella’s Peanut Butter and Snickers muffins). I haven’t had a chance to taste this yet but it feels wonderfully moist. It also made my kitchen smell like heaven while it was in the oven; all appley and cinnamony. 

One more day of the summer holidays left. I can’t believe it’s over already. Usually I am dying to get back to work because I’m bored but this year has been different. I am looking forward to getting the kids back into the school/nursery routine which usually makes for a calmer home environment, but I’m not clamouring to get back to work. Maybe it’s because I’ve been studying all summer and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. Work leaves little time for idle academic pursuit. The return to work will also (probably) put an end to my baking for a while. At least I went out on a high.

After the brownies, I decided I wanted to make some actual rocky road. I didn’t have all the ingredients I needed so I improvised, using things I had in the cupboard. I didn’t have a chance to take a decent photo because it disappeared so quickly (admittedly I gave most of it to friends in an attempt to stop me eating it all).

Rocky Road

300g chocolate (I used a combination of good quality dark and dairy milk)

100g butter

3 tbsp golden syrup

100g mini marshmallows

100g biscuits (I used shortbread)

100g glacier cherries

100g pecans

• Melt chocolate, butter and golden syrup in a pan.
• Crush biscuits using a rolling pin (leave some large chunks).
• Mix all the ingredients together.
• Line a baking tin with cling film before spooning the mixture in, trying to make it as even and smooth as possible.
• Leave to set (I had to refrigerate mine) before cutting into squares.