I have written, and deleted, a post on division of labour: specifically in terms of housekeeping/childcare within families where both parents work. Why did I delete it? Well, it came across like a pity party for one. 

To give you a bit of background: I work full time in an emotionally draining environment, sometimes I have to bring work home but it’s not the norm; my husband works full time (and then some), in a job which not only requires him to work at home in the evening but calls for frequent trips to London; we have two children who attend primary school as well as breakfast and after school clubs. In our family I am the sole driver so I take the children to breakfast club in the morning, pick them up from aftercare in the evening (also due to the fact that I finish work considerably earlier than my husband) and ferry them around to the various clubs, lessons and parties that they attend. I also do the majority of the homework, housework (though by no means all of it) and shopping. 

A recent Twitter comment got me thinking: have we fallen into the trap of socialised gender roles? I’m not sure that this is a question I can answer.

Instead I pose another question—is it possible to find balance? Were my husband to play a greater role in homemaking, his share of the load would be far greater than mine. He doesn’t work longer hours because he is a man; he works longer hours because that is what his job demands. I don’t cook the dinner because it’s my wifely responsibility: I do it because I’m home in time to do it. Were we to share the homemaking evenly, would I be tucked up in bed while he’s still at the washing-up until the wee small hours?

It would seem that gender has little to do with it, and yet it still feels like the work/life balance is unequal. The children are not my responsibility; they are our responsibility. His job commands so much of his time that I am scared he is missing important events and experiences in our children’s lives. Thinking back to my own childhood, this was an accepted part of family life. The man was the breadwinner and often missed school and extra curricular events due to work commitments. This isn’t helped in our case by the fact that the vast majority of school events take place during normal working hours, rather than in the evening when we could both attend.

Have things really changed so little, or are my perceptions skewed by our respective choice of career (and a school which seems to assume parents are out of work)?